Embracing Change: Understanding the Ephemeral Nature of Bonds
November 20, 2024
Writer: Emilie Claire Nason
Editor: Trystan Fogg
I am incredibly loyal; when I form a friendship, I hope it will last. However, this is only sometimes the case. We all have friends we once thought would stand by us through life’s milestones—attending our weddings, becoming godparents to our children—people we couldn’t imagine living without. The same goes for romantic relationships, where envisioning a future together can suddenly give way to becoming strangers.
Losing friendships and relationships you genuinely believed would last is painful, and I won’t sugarcoat it. There's a particular sadness in letting go of someone still alive, missing someone who once meant everything, or even growing to resent someone who was once a best friend. As realities shift, the bonds that hold us together can unravel. You might outgrow a friend, be betrayed, or have a simple falling out about something trivial. The point is, that we've all lost someone, and maybe we still think about them. You might wonder whether you should reach out or try to repair what’s broken.
I’ve always struggled with this—losing friends and not understanding that some people enter our lives as lessons. Friendships sometimes break so that future relationships can be stronger. Every time someone lets you down or breaks your heart, a lesson can be learned. As cynical as it may sound, having “short-term” friends helps you better understand who you are and how you function in relationships. If you reflect on a past friendship or relationship, I bet you can identify at least one lesson you learned.
When we stop learning, we stop living. Losing people is part of being human and alive. If these experiences make you stronger, kinder, or more loyal to someone else, then perhaps we should be thankful for those who didn’t stay in our lives. You might think, “But what she did was unforgivable,” or “He cheated on me and left me untrusting.” It’s easy to believe that someone’s actions have changed you for the worse. Maybe you are more guarded now, but this is part of gaining and losing people. Perhaps you were too trusting before and have grown stronger as a result. There are always positives to be found, even in negative experiences.
For example, a girl I was once extremely close with is now a stranger to me. We exchange birthday texts yearly, and I still feel a pang in my chest because I no longer know her. Someone I knew inside and out has become someone I barely recognize. It’s saddening, but it’s a fact of life. From that falling out, I learned that people outgrow each other. After high school, we changed and no longer had anything in common. That experience taught me to cherish the friends who have stood by me through all my versions and whom I’ve embraced in return. It reminded me that nothing is forever, but that’s not the end of the world. There are always new people who can fill those spaces.
While I still hold a place in my heart for the people I no longer talk to, I don’t dwell on transient experiences or people. If you, like me, think about friendships that have come and gone, it’s okay to wonder how they’re doing—but it’s also okay not to know. Sometimes, moving on is the best thing we can do.
